How to work without emotions. How to control your emotions: useful tips and exercises

Do you ever find yourself yelling at your husband and then regretting it? Does it happen that you say offensive things to him, the reality of which you yourself do not believe? How often do you feel remorse for actions that destroy your relationships? Does this sound familiar to you? Then this article is written for you!

To get started, answer the following questions:

• Do you think it is possible to control emotions?
• What advantages and benefits will we get if we learn to control our emotions?
• What damage do we cause to ourselves and our family by failing to control ourselves?

I think it's obvious that self-control is a skill worth acquiring, but how?

When I first got married, my ability to control my emotions was at best 10%, and today I can proudly say that I have 90% control over my emotions. I not only learned to control my emotions, but also began to help not simple matter other women. I have developed several exercises that, with constant practice, give amazing results.

How to control your emotions and maintain peace in the family?

Follow the six rules!

Rule 1: Don't dramatize the situation

Many women simply “wind up” themselves and make a big deal out of any little thing: “He didn’t call me, that means he forgot about me, that means he doesn’t care about me, that means he doesn’t love me anymore, etc.” etc.”

Remember - as a rule, you are offended or angry not at the event itself, but at the meaning that you attach to it. Learn to think more positively and more broadly: “He didn’t call me because he has an important project at work; he didn't call because he wanted me to miss him; he didn’t call because he didn’t want to distract me from my business.”

Or even: “He didn’t call, simply because he forgot.” That's it. No drama.

Rule 2: Take care of your well-being and emotional state

Imagine being tired, hungry and on edge nervous breakdown due to the amount of work. And then your husband comes home an hour later than promised. You throw out on him everything that has accumulated at work, and all your fatigue over the past days, and maybe months or years.

Very often we take our anger out on our husband, although in principle he has nothing to do with it. He just came across it at the wrong moment.

So, your direct responsibility is to take care of yourself and your happiness. Then your husband will get a piece of your happiness instead of a ton of your stress.

Rule 3: Play the role of a happy and good wife

Yes, as they say, “fake it till you make it.” That is, play it until you get it - until it becomes second nature.

Here the necessary books, films and live communication with those who can serve as an example will help you.

Say goodbye to your previous image, because you didn’t choose it, life somehow imposed it on you without your consent. Choose a new image for yourself and be who you want to see yourself as, playing this role as an actress. Very soon this will become a habit, and before you know it, you will become the person you always dreamed of being!

Rule 4: Analyze your intentions, behaviors and results

Behind every action there is a good intention. For example, a woman yells at her husband because she wants him to understand and accept her feelings. But does her action - raising her voice - lead to the desired result? Obviously, this leads to the opposite. The husband simply ignores her and insists on his own even stronger.

Therefore, it is important to ask yourself: “Why am I screaming? What do I want to achieve with this? Does this lead me to the desired result? What alternative action can I take to achieve what I want? Learn to ask yourself these questions and analyze your behavior, and not just act automatically.

Rule 5: Count to ten and breathe deeply

In any stressful situation, the first reaction, as a rule, is animal, instinctive: attack or run away. Therefore, women either make a scandal, or slam the door and leave offended. Neither one nor the other option is a way out of the situation.

You need to understand that rational and creative thinking comes into play a little later in a stressful situation. That’s why they recommend counting to ten and then reacting. A more effective way is to make a full breathing exercise: 8 seconds while inhaling, 32 seconds holding your breath, and 16 seconds exhaling. After this exercise, you literally become a new person with whom you can communicate again.

Rule 6: Go to another room to beat a pillow

At the very extreme case there are very effective remedy for the release of negative emotions without sacrifice, without remorse and without harm to others. As soon as you feel like you are about to explode, move away from witnesses and, when you are alone, feel free to start hitting the pillow and shout loudly: “A-a-a-a-a!”

I assure you that even a minute of such entertaining pastime will be enough for you to again feel that you are “perfectly in the saddle”! You can again talk, communicate and clarify various issues without fear for your health.

Remember, you may not always have power over the situation, but you can always have power over yourself. This is what I wish for you!

Human development does not exclude constant psychological stress, so it is necessary to constantly strengthen your psyche and sometimes learn to restrain your emotions. If you don’t do this, you can become overwhelmed with negativity, and as you know, bad thoughts attract bad events in life. On the contrary, a positive attitude towards achievements and failures forms a shield around a person that repels all negativity.

In addition, uncontrolled emotions can destroy personality, including causing a state of passion in which a person is capable of the most unexpected and not always correct actions. In this state, it is impossible to make informed decisions, but rash actions become the norm.

Attention! This condition threatens human health. It is possible to develop serious illnesses, including schizophrenia and split personality, which will have to be treated with medication.

It is very important to pull yourself together in time and learn to control your emotions, otherwise you will have to say goodbye to friends and loved ones, since those around you will not be able to tolerate an unbalanced person for long. At best, they will be removed from your close social circle for a while, at worst - forever.

How to learn to control yourself and your emotions?

There are several ways to overcome the problem. Emotions can be suppressed, contained, demonstrated, or understood and controlled. As practice shows, the latter works best. The thing is that you can only hold them back for a while and this can end badly, because emotions are like a river - when the “dam” breaks, they can strong flow demolish everything around. To prevent this from happening, we recommend that you listen to our advice that will help you understand and control yourself.

Rules to help you control yourself

We do not promise that completing them will be easy, but difficulties will haunt you only at the first stage. It is important to realize the need for changes and then they will begin on their own, without causing internal protest.

The ability to control oneself is an indicator of personality maturity. This is the main skill that is required. Whatever field you choose to work in, if you are not able to keep your emotions in check and confidently move towards your goal, then do not expect success.

Self-control does not mean limiting yourself, limiting yourself, or setting boundaries. This is power over your personality, achieving power over problems. It gives you a chance to realize your own freedom the way you want, and not be led by weaknesses and negativity. This is the ability not to be nervous, not to worry. This strength prevents anyone from throwing you off balance. This is the ability to behave with dignity in any situation.

The role of self-control

Self-control plays a major role in social interaction with other people. Psychologists are sure that there are 3 factors to develop a habit and the ability to control yourself:

The first is that a person who is unable to cope with emotions constantly acquires various kinds of illnesses. Only those are able to resolve conflicts within themselves who know how to maintain the health of the soul and;
the second lies in the fact that without the ability to cope with emotions, it is impossible to make a true decision. This means that a person who does not know how to control himself creates various barriers of perception, he does not assess the situation soberly;
the third factor is that you cannot achieve your desired goals without the ability to force yourself to do what you don’t want. Perseverance is one of the manifestations of self-control.

Of course, every person will find additional reasons for the importance of self-control, but the main one is the desire to improve one’s own life. In addition, self-control provides some benefits:

a person who knows how to control himself respects others. In turn, those around him also respect him;
self-control is freedom. A person forgets about limitations;
this is a lot of possibilities. The ability to manage emotions develops into the ability to manage actions;
self-control is calmness and faith in one’s own strength.

Components of self-control

Effective self-control includes 3 components: honesty, the ability not to pass off an illusion as reality, and the use of facts. It is only possible to control this, and control requires systematicity, and not using it from time to time. It is important to constantly notice and celebrate your own indicators.

In addition, external control is required. At first it’s hard to learn to control yourself inside. For this reason, you also need to control yourself outside. This is a great safety net. Tell someone you need to finish by a specific date. Then you will have an external controller of your actions.

Manifestations of self-control in life

In life, there are such manifestations of self-control:

With the help of sports activities, a person follows a certain regime, develops willpower by doing exercise. This is self-confidence, which means it forces us to control ourselves;
material goods. A person who knows how to control himself in expenses, in accordance with his financial situation, is distinguished by the ability of self-control;
household problems. A person who knows how to extinguish a quarrel is the owner of self-control;
people who know how to restrain their emotions and are always in search of a compromise have the ability of self-control.

How to learn to control yourself

To understand how to learn to control yourself, you need to understand what usually acts as a source of negative experiences. This helps. In the first column, list all negative emotions: fear, despair, anger, etc. In the second, write down the situations that cause these feelings. A table like this helps you understand which feelings require more control. In addition, in an additional column, analyze situations and develop behavioral options that help you avoid negative emotions.

Every day you need to describe the situations that happened that led to the manifestation of negativity, your feelings, actions, and analyze the consequences. Every day, such recordings will help develop the skill of self-control.

In addition to analyzing situations and keeping a diary, the following tips help develop the ability to control yourself:

start the day on a positive note. Smile at yourself, praise yourself for something;
Don't be overzealous in your work. Make a list of tasks for the day. Mark the most important tasks in it and do them right away. If there is too much to do, then analyze how to distribute tasks and what to do on another day. Be sure to find time to relax;
Don't rush to conclusions. The first reaction to each event is the emotions that are caused by a personal attitude towards it. First, understand the reasons for the situation, try to find out the facts. The same applies to communication with others. Don’t overthink it; if in doubt, don’t be afraid to ask or clarify. This helps to avoid many quarrels;

if you feel unable to restrain yourself, then come up with a way to discharge negative emotions. Everyone will find their own way. Take yourself for a walk, jog, listen to music, go shopping. In each situation, after calming down, it is important to analyze what caused the surge;
Do not leave unresolved problems in relationships with loved ones. It is important to understand the situation in a calm state; listen to your opponent carefully. If conversation doesn't work out, then write a letter. In it, state the essence of the problem, your feelings, as well as suggestions regarding a way out of the situation. Ask the person responsible for your worries to read this and write a response letter. Such communication will help you understand how to find a solution and compromise;
the next time you are overcome by negative experiences, voice your own state. Find the most precise definition your own feelings, speak it out. It is not necessary for anyone to hear this, tell yourself about the sensations. You should not suppress emotions, this will cause stress, but will not solve the problem.

Self-control is everyday work on the individual. Controlling feelings and emotions is the key to success in life.

And a couple more factors to achieve self-control:

accustom yourself to a routine. A person who follows a strict daily routine (established independently) develops the ability to control emotions;
A lot depends on upbringing and the situation in the family. If we demonstrate to children how to restrain themselves, how to learn to avoid conflicts, we will teach them self-control, teach ourselves to keep everything in hand;
Learn punctuality in all its forms. Keep your promises, follow through;
attend psychological trainings, classes and seminars. Such exercises teach you to control impulses and emotions, to master your mind and thoughts.

If you notice that your emotions are becoming uncontrollable, you have allowed yourself to relax, you have made a mistake. Those who want to always stay on top need to cultivate willpower every day and develop self-confidence.

In order to achieve the fulfillment of plans and goals, you need to do something that is planned every day, even if you don’t feel like doing anything at all. Don't give yourself a chance to relax.

Scientists and researchers have found that those people who constantly hold back and do not allow themselves to relax get all types of diseases. Negative energy locked inside is collected in internal organs, it disrupts metabolic processes. For this reason, you cannot constantly restrain yourself, but you cannot not maintain control over yourself. What to do?

Let's consider some advice from psychologists:

physical activity help not to accumulate negativity within yourself. If you have a chance to stay with yourself, then shout or sing your favorite song. A pleasant, sound sleep effectively tames a rush of emotions and neutralizes anger. Even in the old days they talked about the need to go to bed, then the problem would be forgotten. Emotions are eliminated in sleep;

Turn on your imagination and be creative. Take revenge on the enemy, conquer your own fears, prove your point of view in your imagination, in your thoughts. What is lived by the brain is, in some way, experienced by us. Virtual travel leaves more positive impressions than real ones;
share your feelings with your friends. Each experience that is said out loud, described in different phrases, becomes easier to experience, it decreases;
pay off your debts. Every debt depresses a person on a psychological level, making life more difficult. You may not remember them, but the subconscious mind summarizes each one and spoils the emotional background. Finally, give the book to a friend, help your grandmother repair the kettle;
Do not give in to emotions while intoxicated. It is important to be able to understand your own condition. Breaking plates, dancing and shouting is only allowed in a sober state.

Every normal, adequate person who lives in society should be able to control himself. If you want to be accepted by society in an appropriate way, then follow generally accepted norms.

Incredible facts

It’s normal to experience emotions, the problem is that often we don’t know what to do with them.

Therefore, in most cases we resort to familiar methods. For men, the most common outlets are video games, alcohol and smoking. Women cope with their emotions through food or shopping.

It's good if this happens from time to time. However, most often we use such unhealthy methods regularly. Ultimately, our relationships, work and health suffer.

How can you learn to manage your emotions effectively?

There are a few rules to remember.

How to learn to control your emotions

1. You don't choose your emotions because they arise in a part of the brain that we have no control over.

2. Emotions are not subject to moral rules. They are not good or bad, right or wrong. It's just emotions.

3. You are in charge of your emotions.

4. You can suppress emotions, but you cannot get rid of them.

5. Emotions can lead you astray or lead you down the right path. It all depends on your actions.

6. The more you ignore them, the stronger they become.

7. The only way to deal with emotions is to allow yourself to feel them.

8. Emotions fuel your thoughts. You can use your thoughts to manage your emotions.

9. You need to understand your emotions and what they want to tell you so that you can cope with stress. In other words, you need to process your emotions.

10. Every emotion carries an important message. This message helps you understand yourself better, even if you try to hide it. Do yourself a favor and accept whatever emotions you have by feeling them.

11. How your parents responded to your emotions determines how you feel about your emotions now. As you matured, your emotions matured along with you. They developed, became deeper and more influential.

How to manage emotions

Your emotions have been trying to come to the surface for a long time. They do not disappear, but go deep, and these roots have meaning.

If you want to become more aware of your emotions, start acknowledging them to avoid misunderstandings with others.

There are a few simple steps to learn how to deal with your emotions.

1. What emotion are you experiencing?

The first thing you need to do is identify what you are feeling. Psychologists highlight 4 main emotions: anxiety, sadness, anger, joy.

When you are anxious, thoughts come to you: " What if I don't find a job?", "What if I end up single?", "What if I fail the exam?". You worry about the future and what could go wrong. Physically, you may feel an increased heart rate, muscle tension, jaw clenching.

When you are sad, you have negative thoughts about the past. You feel tired and heavy, may cry, and have difficulty concentrating.

Anger is expressed through thoughts focused on how someone has violated your values. Physical symptoms are similar to those of anxiety: rapid heartbeat, a feeling of tightness in the chest.

When you are happy, your thoughts are focused on your achievements. For example, you got the job you wanted, bought an apartment, or received a compliment. Physically you feel lightness and calmness, smile and laugh.

2. Determine the message of your emotions

Ask yourself a question to understand why you have this or that emotion:

Anxiety: What am I afraid of?

Sadness: What have I lost?

Anger: What values ​​of mine were hurt by another person?

Happiness: What did I gain?

Managing Emotions

Once you have identified the emotion and its message, you need to take action. Ask yourself if there is anything that can solve the situation. If possible, do it.

For example, if you are sad and cannot find a job, you can turn to friends and acquaintances for help.

If you can't do anything, think about how you can cope with the emotion. Try meditation, talk to a friend, write down your thoughts on paper, engage in physical activity, seek professional help. Choose what's right for you.

Essentially, there is nothing wrong with any emotion, but some of them can cause problems if you don't control yourself. Fortunately, there are a number of techniques and lifestyle changes you can use to effectively manage negative feelings.

Steps

How to reconfigure your mind and body

Notice situations when emotions get out of control. The first step is to notice that there is a problem. Pay attention to the physical and mental sensations in such a situation in order to recognize the symptoms in the future. Use mindfulness, awareness and rational thinking to “seize” the moment. The mere ability to recognize an emotion will only create an attachment to the present moment.

Start doing the opposite of what you are used to. Stop if you are reacting to an acute emotion in a habitual way. Think about what would happen if you tried to do the opposite. How will the outcome change? If it becomes positive or productive, then choose a new reaction.

Remove yourself from the situation that creates negative emotions. Sometimes the best solution is to simply walk away and hide from the irritants. If the situation allows you to leave and not offend others, then it is better to do so.

• For example, if you are assigned to a work committee whose members are acting disorganized, such meetings may upset you. One way to solve the problem is to ask to be transferred to another committee.

How to communicate confidently and decisively

1. Express your feelings clearly and confidently. Learn to express your feelings decisively in order to vent and control your emotions, but at the same time change the unwanted situation. It's okay to express your opinion or deny others something that makes you uncomfortable or that you simply don't have time for, as long as you're polite and straightforward.

   • For example, if a friend invites you to a party, you can say: “Thank you for remembering me! Alas, I don’t like big companies, so I’ll refuse this time. Maybe we can go to a coffee shop together?” Give an outlet to your feelings so that they don’t sit inside and control you.

2. Speak in the first person to express your thoughts without blaming others. This method of communication allows you to express emotions without blaming or humiliating anyone. Before you say something accusing or judgmental, stop and reframe the sentence as a simple observation or your own opinion.

   • For example, instead of saying: “You don’t care about me,” it’s better to say: “I was offended when you didn’t call me back, although you promised. What happened?

3. Invite others to express their point of view. Every situation is multifaceted. Invite others to share their thoughts to better understand their point of view and create equal dialogue. You need to actively listen to keep yourself in control, control your emotions, and be in such a mental state, which will help you wisely use other people's ideas.

   • For example, when expressing your opinion, supplement it with the question: “What do you think?”

4. Avoid using subjective words like “should” and “should.” Such statements blame others and can lead to feelings of irritation and anger because the situation is not working out the way you would like. If you say “should,” “should,” or similar words and phrases, stop and remember that we are all not perfect. Accept the imperfection of the world and the current situation.

   • For example, instead of thinking, “My partner should never hurt my feelings,” remind yourself that the situation is nothing personal. You both make mistakes from time to time.
   • If you are too hard on yourself, show kindness and compassion. For example, if thoughts like: “I should have prepared better. I will fail the exam,” then change them to: “I did my best and prepared as best as I could. Whatever the outcome, everything will be okay.”

How to calm yourself down with your usual routine

1. Exercise regularly to relax and let off steam. Engage in physical activity that involves calming and repetitive activities (swimming, walking, or running) to calm your mind and senses. You could also try yoga or Pilates to calm your thoughts through gentle stretching and breathing exercises.

   Engage different senses in new ways to calm your body. Learn to notice beauty and quietly admire the world around you for the sake of daily self-care. Your focus on gratitude and physical sensations will help you quickly pull yourself together in moments of stress or irritation. Experiment with different methods:

   Use the soothing touch method. People need loving touch to feel happy. Positive touch releases oxytocin, a powerful hormone that improves mood, relieves stress and increases feelings of affection. Common options for soothing touch:

   • Place your hand on your heart. Feel your heart beat, rise and fall rib cage, and heat emanates from the skin. Repeat pleasant words to yourself like: “I am worthy of love,” or: “I am a good person.”
   • Give yourself a hug. Cross your arms over your chest, place your palms on your shoulders and hug yourself gently. Repeat a positive phrase like, “I love myself.”
   • Cup your face in your palms, as if you were a child or loved one, and then begin stroking your face with your fingers. Repeat kind words to yourself like: “I am a wonderful and kind person.”

2. Practice meditation . Meditation is a great way to ease anxiety and depression and learn how to manage stress. Regular mindfulness meditation helps control emotions. Sign up for a class, use recommendations online, or learn mindfulness meditation on your own at home.

   Repeat self-affirmations and mantras to yourself. The main principle of mindfulness is the ability to accept your current sensations without resistance or judgment. This is easier said than done, but with practice, mindfulness meditation techniques will soon become your new “habits.” In difficult situations, repeat to yourself phrases of encouragement like the following:

   • “Feelings are fleeting and these emotions will soon pass.”
   • “My feelings and thoughts are not immutable facts.”
   • “I don’t have to be driven by my emotions.”
   • “I’m fine, even though I feel uncomfortable.”
   • “Emotions come and go, how many times has this happened before.”

How to achieve lasting peace

1. Get to the root of emotional situations to solve the problem. If you often have trouble keeping your emotions under control, then try to dig deeper and understand yourself. Information about the root causes of emotional turmoil will help you decide how best to accept and resolve this situation.

   Question attitudes and actions that are based in fear or irrationality. Information about the root causes of emotional turmoil allows you to counteract and even cope with some beliefs. Take an outside perspective and objectively evaluate negative beliefs like fear or inadequacy. What caused these toxic feelings? How can you deal with them?